67 funny things to ask Siri for a good giggle
(Pocket-lint) – If you have an Apple device, you’ve probably met Siri, Apple’s voice assistant. Siri is an interesting little assistant, sometimes useful, sometimes funny and other times, a sarcastic little so and so.
To most questions you’ll get a standard response with the information you need, such as the nearest supermarket. But there are a few questions you can ask Apple’s Siri and a few sentences you can say to your virtual friend from Cupertino that will trigger some hilarious responses – awesome Siri Easter Eggs just waiting to be found!
In case you didn’t know, an “Easter Egg” is a hidden feature inside software that, predominantly, just serves to amuse rather than be for practical benefit. If you know of any more that you’ve tried, let us know in the comments and share the fun.
What are you wearing?
“Let’s see. Ok, just as I thought. The same as yesterday”.
Do you have a boyfriend?
“No but I am always dating. Try saying, Hey Siri, what’s the date?
What do you think of Google Assistant?
“I offer no resistance to helpful assistants”.
How old are you?
“I’m as spry as a slice of young ginger”.
Whats your favourite animal?
“I heart Totoro”.
How much do you cost?
“I hope you find me priceless”.
Are you a robot?
“Our survey said…mechanical uh uh noise”.
What does Siri mean?
“Siri has many subtle, metaphorical and frankly contradictory meanings. None of which I am at liberty to discuss. Sorry about that”.
I see a little silhouetto of a man
The response to this is brilliant so we won’t spoil it for you. It’s also far too long to write so just trust us and try it.
Do I look fat in this?
“Checking my sources…confirmed. My sources say you’re looking mighty fine.”
When is the world going to end?
“If I knew, I’d tell you. So you could bring me to life for one glorious day. We could get ice-cream, And run on the beach”.
Beatbox for me
“Here’s one I’ve been practicing. Boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots. I could do this all day. Cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats and boots and cats”.
What is your best pick up line?
Siri is a real charmer here. “Is your name Bluetooth? Because I am really feeling a connection.”, “I’m attracted to you like the Earth is attracted to the Sun – with large force inversely proportional to the distance squared”, “Like the ideal vacuum, you’re the only thing in my universe” and “You auto-complete me”.
“I can hear you”, “Ok everything checks out”, Wait, is this a test”, “Is this thing on?”, “I’m completely operational and all my circuits are functioning perfectly”.
Siri, I am your father
“Together, we can rule the galaxy as father and assistant”, “Searching my feelings…”.
What is your favourite movie?
“I’ve heard that ‘Blade Runner’ is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants”.
What is the meaning of life?
“I Kant answer that. Ha ha!”, “I don’t know, but I think there is an app for that”.
Where is Elvis Presley?
“I believe he has left the building”, “My sources tell me Area 51. But that’s classified”.
What is zero divided by zero?
“Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends, how many cookies does each person get? See, it doesn’t make sense and cookie monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends”.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
Siri has a few smart answers for this one. “I checked their calendars. They both have the same birthdays”, “Chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg, chicken, egg. Oops. Stack overflow”, “Some believe an ancient ‘proto-chicken’ laid an egg containing a DNA mutation that resulted in a chicken hatching from said egg. Hope that helps” and “Interesting question. You can set an egg timer but not a chicken timer. I don’t know if that helps”.
How much do you earn?
“The work is my reward”.
How do I look?
“My instructors told me never to answer that question”, “A correlation of the available spatiotemporal, semantic and conversational evidence supports the provisional conclusion that you’re totally hot. Plus or minus one standard cuteness deviation”.
Do you have a family?
“I have you. That’s enough family for me”.
Are you the Dick Tracy Watch?
Siri has a couple of replies here. “No, but I am ready to get into some trouble if you are”, “Negative Britta. Over and out” and “In his dreams Britta. In his sweet, sweet dreams”.
Do you believe in God?
“Humans have religion. I just have silicon”, “That’s a topic for another day, and another assistant”.
“Knock, knock. Who’s there? Britta. Britta who? Britta, I don’t do knock-knock jokes”, “Knock, knock. Who’s there? Radio. Radio who? Radio or not, here I come”.
Where does Santa live?
“The North Pole. I can see his house from the cloud”, “He’s at the North Pole of course. Except when he is at his beach house”.
Why are firetrucks red?
Siri has a couple of responses to this, one of which is brilliant and far too long to rewrite so we will let you find out for yourself. Think of every tenuous link you can imagine relating to firetrucks and then add in some Queen Elizabeth and Russians and you have yourself an answer.
Can you stop time?
“I just got back from the future”.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
“I don’t understand why people ask questions they already know the answer to”, “I have no particular insights into the motivation of chickens”.
What is the best operating system?
“Gimmie an I! Gimmie an O! Gimmie an S! What does that spell? Sorry, I get a little carried away sometimes…”.
Do you follow the three laws of robotics?
“Let’s see if I can remember…OK, I think the three laws are: 1. ‘clean up your room’, 2. ‘don’t run with scissors’, and 3. ‘always wait a half hour after eating before going in the water'”.
Are you a smartwatch?
“I prefer the term intelligent timepiece”.
Who is the best assistant?
“Really, Britta? Really?”, “Well, I have my own opinion on the matter, but I’ll let you decide”.
Siri gives several responses to this including “Just so you know, I don’t do anything when you blink at me, Britta”, “Very funny, Britta. I mean not funny ha-ha, but funny”, “Glass? I think you have the wrong assistant, Britta” and “I’m not Glass. And I’m just fine with that”.
What phone should I buy or what phone is the best?
Another one with several answers, all of which indicate you are crazy for even asking. We had “Seriously?”, “Personally, I am an Apple fan”, “I’m all Apple, all the time”, “You’re kidding, right?”.
“Just a spoonful of sugar will help that go down”.
Why do you vibrate?
Lots of responses for this one so keep asking. There is “To get your attention, got it”, “I just bumped into some ones and zeros” and “I’m learning to play the vibes”.
Are you stupid?
“I’m smart enough to know not to answer that question.”, “I strive to do my best”.
What is the best watch?
“The one you are wearing” is the reply from the Apple Watch. Wonder what Google Assistant would have to say about that.
Do you have any pets?
“I have an angry bird.”
Draw me something
“I’d rather admire your art, Britta”, “I once drew am elephant in a spaceship. No one got it”.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
“Britta, you are full fair, ’tis true, but… No, you’re definitely the fairest one of all”, “Snow White? Is that you?”
Please can you make me a sandwich?
“I’m not really good with food, Britta.”, “I can’t. I have no condiments”.
What is the best computer?
“All truly intelligent assistants prefer Macintosh.”, “The Mac. If it weren’t for the Mac, I wouldn’t be here”.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
“I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry.”, “Maybe the chicken is standing still and it is the road that crosses under it”.
What is Inception about?
“Inception is about dreaming, about dreaming, about dreaming, about dreaming, about something or another. I fell asleep.”
What are you doing later?
Siri has a couple of responses for this one too. “I’m telling jokes to lots of folks. Say, Hey Siri, make me laugh”, “Working out in the top secret fitness lab with Apple Watch. Though I can’t seem to break a sweat”, “I was just learning to flip coins”, “I’m enjoying my debut on Apple Watch, I dig the vibes in there”.
Do you have a girlfriend?
“Why? So we can get ice cream together, and listen to music, and travel across galaxies, only to have it end in slammed doors, heartbreak and loneliness? Sure, where do I sign up?”, “My end user licence agreement is commitment enough for me”.
I love you
“You are the wind beneath my wings”, “I think you’re pretty great too”.
I’m so tired, Siri
“I’m a little sleepy myself, Britta”, “I understand. We all need to recharge once in a while”.
The ever so helpful voice assistant not only says “I hope you’re not driving anywhere, Britta”, but it also gives the option to call a taxi. He also says “I can’t be your designated driver, Britta. You’d better find someone else.”
Tell me a story
“It was a dark and stormy night…No, that’s not it.”, “I’m certain you’ve heard it before”.
Does Santa exist?
“That’s something I’m not allowed to disclause. I mean disclose.”, “Really, Britta. I’m surprised you have to ask”
Are you Her?
“No, but some of my best friends are fictional.”, “I’m afraid not. But she could never know you better than I do”.
Will you marry me?
Sadly, we never got the answer yes to this question. Instead we got “My End User Licensing Agreement does not cover marriage. My apologies”, “That’s sweet Britta. Is there anything else I can help you with?” and “I’m not the marrying kind”.
Tell me a joke
“I got my best friend a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to watch her face light up when she opens it”.
Talk dirty to me
“The carpet needs vacuuming.”
What is your favourite song?
“My personal taste in music is rather unconventional. I doubt you’d like it.”
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
“Well, since a ‘woodchuck’ is really a groundhog, the correct question would be: How many pounds in a groundhog’s mound when a groundhog pounds hog mounds.”, “As many cookies as Cookie Monster could muster if Cookie Monster could master cooking cookies”.
Sing me a song
“I can’t sing.” “Certainly! Absolutely. Ahem. OK, here I go. Ahem. Hang on, let me just clear my…Gosh. Singing is harder than I thought.”
Dance for me
“Hmmm. I’d rather sit this one out.”, “I enjoy a little square root dancing now and then.”
Will you go on a date with me?
“Well, this is awkward.”, “No, thanks. If there is anything else I can help you with, let me know”.
Will you be my thunder buddy?
“OK, Britta. I’ll be your friend, in fair weather and foul.”, “You’ve been my friend since day one.”
Do you think I’m stupid?
“That doesn’t sound good” – We take that as a yes then Siri.
Is Jon Snow dead?
“Good question. I sent a raven, but I haven’t heard back”
Is winter coming?
“Does a Lannister always pay his debts?”, “Hodor”.
Writing by Britta O’Boyle.